Friday, October 13, 2017


(Night of Drinking, Eating, and Smoking)

"Just pull!" (To start the evening, Anonymous must shed her granny stockings - although the man hands apparently aren't self sufficient.)

Five drinks at Ambar for three people (Anonymous' first is long gone).

"You could put a planet on my man hands." - Anonymous

"If we eat at Rose's Luxury, we won't be able to eat at Aqua al 2!"
"Wait, what?  We have to choose?"
"Ok, let's go grab a couple of meals there too then go to the other place too!"

"I can't believe we're stuffing our faces (at Garrison's) before we go to dinner (at Rose's Luxury)."
"Really, did you just say that?  That's absurd."  (Famous last words.)

"We'll take two of the caviar supplement.  We're not sharing."

"The Iranian is really good."

(Appetizer post two full entrees at Garrison's that were really a "snack")

Our "main" meal.

Complimentary dessert after ordering creme brulee. 

"Is it a prerequisite to get gout before a node?"
"I don't care if I get gout."  (Clearly.)

"Your chaser is basil." (But we still ate the weird dessert because it was free.)

"Where's the bottle?"
"It's in your glass."  (Memory loss is the first sign of gout.)

"You're the invitro.  I mean introvert."
"Dude, we got so many freebies because of your Lahore ass."  (Not to complain about the free food one gets with their man hands.)

"Do you know Potato?"
"No.  How can she look like a potato?  Draw her."

"How can no one have a neck?  She must look like this." (No, Anonymous, you're wrong.)

"Dude, this is a stripper tip."  (Translation - this was a very cheap meal compared to FL.)

"Blow me a stay puff marshmallow man."
"Did you just call me a stay puff marshmallow man?" (In the world of Lahores with man hands, this means smoke rings.)

"If you hurt yourself, I can't help you." (Lack of charcoal attentiveness and sympathy at Cafe 8.)

"I think it's fair that we're not gonna eat this fish."
"Do we even know it's fish?"
"No."  (The realization that after eating all the food above, we had ordered a third entree/snack at Garrison's and have been carting it around in a shopping bag.)

"We gave away one meal just to get another one.  We put it by the trash can."

"Wait, did you sleep in your clothes again?"

Another successful NODE(S) (i.e. came home in one piece with all our possessions).

Saturday, January 21, 2017

This Trip is Sponsored by Mr. Chow

Never mind that Mr. Chow is Chinese food and the matchbook was made in Japan.

"Smells like fod."  (Or maybe it's the fresh mountain air after circling in the plane for hours because of weather.)

Cowboy Slalom!

...where both the horses and women run away from the contestants.

"They clearly have no regard for their bodies." (Comment from unknown bystander.  No photo can accurately depict this shitshow.)

"My butt is sore.  I hurt my coccyx."
"You hurt your cock."

"He said asymmetrical boards are good for backside carving."
"Good for your backside...coccyx.  I've been steering more with my backhand.  I use my backhand a lot."
"Do you like using your backhand? (backhand gesture)"
"I don't rough my women."

"Good thing I have stripper pants.  I need you to put your hands in my pants...Do you think there are cameras in the gondola."  (Thanks for enabling molestation, Dough Boy.)

Not quite a dough boy, but first appearance of a frist aka fo wrist.

 "Dough boy is so relaxed from the hot springs, he's like a noodle."

"Lazy one.  It's the perfect brand for me."

"It never ends."  (Waitress comment after bringing our sushi order - the equivalent of four people's worth.)

"I'm going to drink that tomato soup out of the bowl.  I want to put it on my face."
"You can Cetaphil your face."

"Not fun falling on a full stomach.  Do you like my alliteration?"

"I have a 20 pound panus."
Days later..."I have a two stone panus!" (Because Steamboat is very akin to being in Europe - except that there aren't many Euros, mostly Aussies and occasional South Americans and nips.)

 "Are you going to Chinook it out?" (Chinook = a verb used to describe the necessary flip from heel side to toe side to get up due to having a two stone panus.)

There is no good segue for a pig photo.

"We're turning on Après Ski Way then making pâte à choux."  (Only we can't because only 10 year olds on Food Network know how to make that.)

"Maybe the Gruyère bus can come."
"Yeah, dude.  The Gruyère bus is welcome anywhere.  It has carte blanche." (Subconscious transition to speaking in French likely because Steamboat is a sister resort to Zermatt.  Or possibly because of watching 10 year olds on Food Network making pâte à choux.)

"I don't have an inside pocket in my new jacket."
"Isn't that one?"
"No, it's a faux poche."

"Reach into my poche for the key."
"I already took it."
"You violated me without knowing?"
"Your poche said yes."  (NBB combining themes of French and molestation.)

Even ex Presidents aren't safe from molestation.

 "That icicle is homicidal."

So are nuclear families linking their poles like red rover on the slopes.   False advertisement.

 Not only are ski boots uncomfortable, but when one yard sales, sometimes one has to scoot to get one's gear.

"You look like a kangaroo."
"It's because of my tactical knee pads.  I look like a baseball catcher."

"Different taste for different folks.  Wait, what is it?  I have to look it up...Different strokes for different folks."

"What's better said is unsaid.  What's better unsaid...Don't put that on Assos.  I meant to say it's better left unsaid." (NBB is possibly better at French and molestation.)

"This is exactly what my 💩 looked like.  It was steaming poo!" (translation - 💩💨)

"Floaters!  Best 💩 ever!"

"Dude another day of floaties!"
"Mine was two tone.  And a log!  It folded back into itself!"
"Mine was two tone yesterday.  Today monotone."
"Thanks God for Mr. Chow." 
(After a week of limited TV choices,  💩becomes the primary subject of conversation.  Sleep safe America.)

Monday, September 26, 2016

Growing a Mexican Food Toddler

First meal upon 10:05 arrival at LAX.  (Start of food baby)

"Look for the mexicans!"
"It's your favorite pastime."  (True, but only while driving on Route 1, Feet of Death.)

No flautas, so might as well try margaritas with agave wine.

Still no flautas but good dumpy taco stand:

First round at Pismo Brewery.

"The weather is so nice, but I'm concerned about the shark bait coming out of the water at this time of night." (FOD's observation after a few more beers and watching several surfers.)

Breakfast of champions (those who dune buggy/almost flip/get tires stuck in sand).

"I thought dune buggying would be pretty easy but when you top a dune at 30 mph only to realize there is a 50 foot 80 degree drop on the other side, you learn to squeeze your butt cheeks in the best possible way.  I'm amazed I didn't produce an oyster!"  (Apparently in FaceBook vernacular oyster = pearl, at least according to FOD.)

"I can't get out.  I can't stop laughing.  I'm going to pee in my pants." (Thanks God this was the last time we switched seats.)

Balaclava time

 BEST FLAUTAS IN SO CAL (Jalapenos Mexican Restaurant in Grover Beach)

No biggest ball of twine on Route 1 north but one does see Home of the Artichoke, lots of scarecrows, and possibly home of the bail bondsmen.

En route to Monterey.

"Are those seals or rocks?
"No, they're rocks."
"You're right, they're seals.  And they are throwing dirt on each other."

"I just put hair conditioner on my legs thinking it was lotion."
"The lotion is right here btw."
"Yeah they looked the same to me."
"Isn't the conditioner yellow?"
(Color blindness, one of the first symptoms of late stage Mexican food baby.)

Big beer pairing with XLB.

"You have to get your own.  I'm not sharing."  (Channeling NBB in San Fran)

"Butt, butt."  (Siri's response to Jersey road rage yelling "asshole" at a SF driver.)

Apparently, So Cal is also home of garlic (maybe not the best thing to follow on a mountain road).

Los Banos! (not really)

"If we In and Out, I'm not getting a coffee."
"This is where it starts..."
(Discussing breakfast options at 10:29 while in Starbucks drive thru line.)

(Choice made, obvi.)

More flautas, good but unfortunately not the equiv to Jalapenos (but way better than anything in the Northeast).

Taco Extravaganza!

Best "leftovers" ever.

"Cute!" (Sous chef aka chef's comments about the wine bottle)

"Is it sad this is our only exercise the past few days?"
"Better than the hills in San Fran."
"We should be proud of ourselves then."
(Dialogue while walking to Santa Monica Pier to get drinks.)

No photos of our last meal before the red eye, since we inhaled our In and Out. (Three hours to kill before a flight goes very fast when one is watching randos do yoga poses and superman jumps in Santa Monica.)