Saturday, January 21, 2017

This Trip is Sponsored by Mr. Chow

Never mind that Mr. Chow is Chinese food and the matchbook was made in Japan.

"Smells like fod."  (Or maybe it's the fresh mountain air after circling in the plane for hours because of weather.)

Cowboy Slalom!

...where both the horses and women run away from the contestants.

"They clearly have no regard for their bodies." (Comment from unknown bystander.  No photo can accurately depict this shitshow.)

"My butt is sore.  I hurt my coccyx."
"You hurt your cock."

"He said asymmetrical boards are good for backside carving."
"Good for your backside...coccyx.  I've been steering more with my backhand.  I use my backhand a lot."
"Do you like using your backhand? (backhand gesture)"
"I don't rough my women."

"Good thing I have stripper pants.  I need you to put your hands in my pants...Do you think there are cameras in the gondola."  (Thanks for enabling molestation, Dough Boy.)

Not quite a dough boy, but first appearance of a frist aka fo wrist.

 "Dough boy is so relaxed from the hot springs, he's like a noodle."

"Lazy one.  It's the perfect brand for me."

"It never ends."  (Waitress comment after bringing our sushi order - the equivalent of four people's worth.)

"I'm going to drink that tomato soup out of the bowl.  I want to put it on my face."
"You can Cetaphil your face."

"Not fun falling on a full stomach.  Do you like my alliteration?"

"I have a 20 pound panus."
Days later..."I have a two stone panus!" (Because Steamboat is very akin to being in Europe - except that there aren't many Euros, mostly Aussies and occasional South Americans and nips.)

 "Are you going to Chinook it out?" (Chinook = a verb used to describe the necessary flip from heel side to toe side to get up due to having a two stone panus.)

There is no good segue for a pig photo.

"We're turning on Après Ski Way then making pâte à choux."  (Only we can't because only 10 year olds on Food Network know how to make that.)

"Maybe the Gruyère bus can come."
"Yeah, dude.  The Gruyère bus is welcome anywhere.  It has carte blanche." (Subconscious transition to speaking in French likely because Steamboat is a sister resort to Zermatt.  Or possibly because of watching 10 year olds on Food Network making pâte à choux.)

"I don't have an inside pocket in my new jacket."
"Isn't that one?"
"No, it's a faux poche."

"Reach into my poche for the key."
"I already took it."
"You violated me without knowing?"
"Your poche said yes."  (NBB combining themes of French and molestation.)

Even ex Presidents aren't safe from molestation.

 "That icicle is homicidal."

So are nuclear families linking their poles like red rover on the slopes.   False advertisement.

 Not only are ski boots uncomfortable, but when one yard sales, sometimes one has to scoot to get one's gear.

"You look like a kangaroo."
"It's because of my tactical knee pads.  I look like a baseball catcher."

"Different taste for different folks.  Wait, what is it?  I have to look it up...Different strokes for different folks."

"What's better said is unsaid.  What's better unsaid...Don't put that on Assos.  I meant to say it's better left unsaid." (NBB is possibly better at French and molestation.)

"This is exactly what my 💩 looked like.  It was steaming poo!" (translation - 💩💨)

"Floaters!  Best 💩 ever!"

"Dude another day of floaties!"
"Mine was two tone.  And a log!  It folded back into itself!"
"Mine was two tone yesterday.  Today monotone."
"Thanks God for Mr. Chow." 
(After a week of limited TV choices,  💩becomes the primary subject of conversation.  Sleep safe America.)